Domestic Violence Is Not a Family Matter-It's a Crime

What To Do

• Contact a domestic violence center
• Tell trusted friends and family
• Document dates and times of abuse- evidence-pictures
• Talk to a legal adviser about your options
• Do not use your computer to communicate your concerns. Hackers
• Talk to your children. Keep them safe and out of any arguments
• Identify trigger points, go to a neighbors or a safe place if you see the coming
• Use self defense
• Tell the police
• Find ways to save cash if you have to leave. Keep it with a trusted friend or family member
• Make copies of important documents in case u need to leave-deeds, insurance, social security, drives license, credit cards, w2’s, tax records, passports, medical cards, prescriptions bank accounts, etc.
• Make a spare key for house, car , etc. in case your spouse takes yours
• Give any sentimental items to a trusted friend or family member to hold for you
• Consider getting a protective order-gives you a legal basis to ask police and other s to take action. Be prepared for it to be violated
• Notify your family, friends, neighbors and employer that you have left the relationship
• Notify the children’s school and use the protective order to insure that school understands that your spouse is not authorized to pick up your children without your approval
• If he leaves, change the locks, and any passwords- (answering machines, email etc). meet him in public, well lit and populated places to talk
• If you leave, you can leave a false trail about where you are going
• If you leave, only tell very trusted individuals where you are

Stalking

“Every step you take-every move you make-I’ll be watching you” Sting, the lyrics of “Every Breath You Take”

• Partner-exes that don’t want to give up that relationship and believe that if they persist long enough, they can get it back
• Delusional- this person fantasizes that the person will be or is interested in them. They may believe that they have a relationship with that person even when they may have never met them. Movie stars are good examples of the targets of this type of stalker, but they may also be a good teacher, doctor, minister, married woman or other person.
• Angry- Some issues has upset the stalker that he is seeking to intimidate or harm the person he believes influenced or controls that issue. Politicians are frequent victims of this type of stalker.

• John Lennon was stalked and killed by Mark David Chapman in 1980
• 1 million women are stalked annually
• Average stalking lasts 1.8 years
• 78% of all stalking victims are women
• 77% of those women know their stalkers
• 43% report the stalking started after a relationship ended
• 48% of the stalkers were spouses, ex-spouses or intimate partners and 81%of these stalkers physically assaulted their victims

What to do

• Talk with the police and local prosecutor
• Contact an anti-stalking organization or other women’s help group for support and assistance
• Document all instances of harassment- evidence-emails, letters, injuries, damage, photos with dates on them
• Change all your locks immediately
• Change email, answering machine passwords- prevents them from accessing your messages
• Lock your mailbox or rent a post office box
• Get a new unlisted telephone number and only give it to close family and friends. Keep the old number active with an answering machine so the stalker can call that number. If you terminate the old number, the stalker will try to find your new number or harass you some other way
• Tell your friends and family what’s going on
• Vary time and routes if you think you are being followed go to the police station
• Keep your car locked at all times
• Tell your employer about what is going on. Arrange to have your coworkers screen your calls and any visitors. Have your name removed from your parking lot
• Have your name blocked on the internet and other places people can get your personal info
• Consider getting a dog
• Consider a restraining order. Police can take action if it is violated, be prepared for it to be violated, statistics indicate it will be violated 69% of the time.
• Consider moving
• Take a women’s self defense class
• Have the police talk with the stalker

3 ways most stalking cease: victims move, police talk with the stalker, the stalker finds a new love interest

College women stalked

• 13% of college women are stalked
• Average length is 2 months
• 15% were threatened or some attempt was made to harm them
• 17% of the time the stalking was reported to the police
• 93% told some one, usually a friend, that they were being stalked
• 66% were boyfriends, ex-boyfriends or classmates

Dating and Date Rape Drugs

Dating

• Get info on anyone interested in dating you-reputation, what type of person is he, does he drink too much, talk negatively about women, show bullying or domineering tendencies, other problems, etc
• First date, in private, drive your own car and meet him there, consider a double date, lots of people=-safety
• Introduce your date to your parents, friends, roommate, tell them where, and where you are going
• Wear appropriate clothes for how you want the date/situation to go
• Communicate clearly and often about expectations
• Paying your own way prevents him for expecting something in return
• Listen to him carefully-attitude and opinions on important matters
• Trust your instincts, if it becomes uncomfortable, ask to leave or call a taxi or a friend
• Always take your phone with you
• Don’t let yourself be isolated with him
• If he drinks too much or does drugs, don’t get in a car with him, or go to his home with him
• If you drink, drink in moderation, make it last, eat , being drunk puts you in a very bad situation
• What you say must be consistent with your body language -mixed messages
• Don’t let him your house if you don’t feel comfortable or want him in your house

Date Rape Drugs
Rohypnol –referred to as Mexican Valium, Roofies, Rope, R-2, Rib, Roaches, and RZ. Normally an oblong green tablet that can be crushed and put in a drink, causing drowsiness, dizziness, confusion, los of inhibitions and amnesia. The manufactures no outs a dye in the drug which will show up if mixed in a drink, but generic version may not have dye
GHB- gamma hydroxyl butyrate- referred to as Liquid Ecstasy, Liquid X, Easy Lay, Soap, Goop or Georgia Home Boy. It can be liquid or white powder the mixes easily with drinks and quickly causes dizziness, drowsiness, nausea, unconsciousness, seizures, lowered heart rate, and respiratory failure. Renders the person incapable of resisting, and causes memory problems. Overdoes require immediate medical intervention. The DEA estimates there were 71 deaths due to GHB by Nov. 2000
Ketamine- referred to as Special K, Super K, Green, Cat Valium, Jet and Super Acid. It can be a clear liquid or white to off white powder causing mental confusion and loss of coordination. There can be other serious reactions since it is related to PCP.


Prevention

• Drink Safe Technology founded by Dr. Brian Glover has created a date-rape drug test kit. A coaster shaped test pad changes color to tell if your drink has been contaminated
• According to Francisco Guerra of Drink Safe Technology, 60% of convicted date rapist who used GHB on their victims were bartenders
• 1996 congress passed the Drug Induced Rape Prevention & Punishment Act
• It is a federal offense to commit a crime of violence including rape by administering controlled substances without the victim’s consent or knowledge. The date rape drugs mentioned above are covered by this law. Federal penalties include up to 20 years of imprisonment
• Don’t ever leave your drink unattended
• Never take a drink from a stranger
• Never drink out of a punch bowl
• If it tastes funny get rid of it
• Only drink from a bottle or can that has not been opened
• If you think your drink has been spiked, seek help immediately, medical tests
• Make a pact with friends, to go together and leave together and stay together
• Don’t drink and become isolated

Sexual Assault Statistics

• Each year 1 million women suffer nonfatal violence by an intimate partner.
• 4 million American women experience a serious assault by an intimate partner during an average 12-month period.
• Nearly 1 in 3 adult women experience at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood.
• 2005 two thirds of rapes and sexual assaults took place between 6:ppm and 6:00am
• FBI 2004 Crime in the United States report showed the highest percentage of rapes occurred in March, April, May, June, July, august , and October
• 1 in 12 women will be stalked during her lifetime, of those. 77% know their stalkers
• FBI reports a forcible rape in this country every 5 minutes, 1 in every 6 American women have already been a victim of rape or attempted rape
• Survey showed that 54% of rape and attempted rape victims are under 18 and almost 22% are under the age of 12
• A woman is raped every 46 seconds in America... that's 78 rapes each hour!
• Every day, four women are killed by their abusive partners
• 25% of girls and 17% of boys will be sexually assaulted by the time they are 18 years old
• 14% of all American women acknowledge having been violently abused by a husband or boyfriend
• From 1992 to 1993 29% of all violence against women by a lone offender was by an Intimate
• 75% of domestic homicides occur after the victim has left the perpetrator
• 28% of all homicides of women are domestic violence related
• 95% of reported domestic assaults the female is the victim and the male is the perpetrator
• 75% of every rape is committed by a man that the victim knows
• 25% of rapes take place in a public area or a parking garage

Men Vs. Women

Men:

• Know how to fight
• Are strong and can easily inflict pain
• Are still getting away with murder
  

Women:

• Often rely on false security measures
• underestimate their power
• Exhibit what they are taught:feminine characteristics and qualities
• Are not usually trained or experienced physical fighters
• Lack muscle compared to the brawn of men
• Tend to be thorough thinkers and emotionally caring and nurturing
• Watch and wait in situations of danger, and then it's too late
• Believe they do not have the time in their busy schedules to understand and adapt an effective defense plan
• Haven't made the necessary lifesaving decisions

When Men Fight Women

• It's serious
  
• He has a goal
• She just ran out of time

When Men Attack Women

• They sneak up on women
• They cozy up to women
  
• They ambush women
• Combination of all three